BRUTAL EXPECTATIONS

Sunita: - Daddy! Daddy! Do you know what happened today?

Arindam: - What happened, my sweet little child?

Sunita: - Today, we have received the final mark sheets of class VI. You know that “Ramesh”, the youngest son of “Viren” uncle, naah…?

Arindam: - Ya Ya, but what happened, you tell me naah?

Sunita: - Ramesh’s brain collapsed today, after hearing that he stood second in the class VI. He has been admitted in the “Yasodha Mental Hospital” for treatment. Our teacher was saying that, he was suffering from huge mental pressure for not securing the 1st position in any of the exams. He tried his level best, but he always used to come 2nd. “Madhubanti” have always retained her 1st position in the class.

Arindam: - What is so special about becoming 1st and 2nd, I don’t know. Come; let us go to that hospital.

Sunita: - Actually, Daddy, this “Viren” uncle always scolded him, for not securing the 1st position, there is always a huge pressure from his family, to become the 1st boy in the class.

They both reached the hospital, where “Arindam” saw “Viren” sitting there on the bench.

Arindam: - So, what are you up to now?

Viren: - Maybe, my son is not fit for studies. See, by studying only these syllabuses, his brain has collapsed. Doctor is saying, if I give him more pressure now, he can become mad also. There can be no expectation from him.

Arindam: - Chup kar, saala hyaramjyada, what expectation? This is a “Brutal Expectation”,that you want from your son. You want him to secure 1st position in the class. Saaley, khud kabhi class pe 1st aaya tha… class VI pe ek saal fail kiya tuney, phir class X, ke pre-test pe fail ho gaya tha tu… saaala mujhsey do saal baraah hai tu, phir bhi mere saath tuney secondary exam pass kiya… aaj itna fail honey ke baad bhi… you are one of the best Senior Managers of State Bank Of India. Now, tell me, where is your school level ranking is counting on your career? Does anybody questions you, why you have failed in class VI and class X?

Viren: - Ya, actually, it was my fault. His mother belongs to a very educated family, and you know, my wife “Sarika” is a Head Mistress of a reputed school. That is why; she also gives too much pressure, to maintain her status, that her son is a brilliant student. As per her concepts, if a child of a Head Mistress does not secure the 1st position in the class, then it is a shame for her as a teacher.

Arindam: - Abbey, “Sarika” bhabhi aur uski status ki 108. Your child is still safe now, as per doctor’s statement. Go for some vacation, and don’t pressurize him anymore, in his studies. Today, you are a good manager, because whatever you have learnt, you have learnt by your own, in a very independent way. Nobody forced you to learn Commerce, finance or become a great Senior Manager. You selected your domain, skills and career on your own, that is why you are so successful. But, you are still pressurizing your child, to do this and that.

Sunita: - Yes, uncle, this is a “Brutal Expectation.In that respect, my “Daddy” is the best. Do you know why? He has never forced me to become the No.1. She rather asks me about my interests. Once, I told him, that I love painting. He gave me all the color boxes and Drawing copies. As a net result, you will be glad to know that, I secured the 3rd position in “All India Painting Competition” held in Delhi, this year, for the students, under class VII. So, ultimately, who is happy, it is my sweet “Daddy”, because he never had that “Brutal Expectations”on me.

IT IS A SIN TO BECOME A GOOD SCHOOL TEACHER IN WEST BENGAL !!!

Professor Arindam: - Hey, Biplab, what are you doing while sitting at the last bench? Come out here. Oh! My goodness, you are smoking cigarettes by mixing ganja with that tobacco. How dare you smoke in my class? You are still in class VII and you are doing like this? You have no respect towards your teacher? You need some hard caning from me.

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Professor Manitosh:- Chee chee, Biplab, you got a superb caning from Professor Arindam, in front of the whole class for smoking cigarette inside the class, but you have not protested about it.

Professor Jagjiban: - Of course, how dare he can beat a student like you? After all, you are the future leader of our CPI (M) party. You are the real student leader of this Bengali medium school of this village. Our days were different. That time, our teacher used to cane us for 50 times, if we used to fail in exams. But, nowadays, you people are the modern students.

Professor Sanjay: - Ya, you are right. Arrey, Biplab, you smoke cigarette, you also drink local banglar cholai in front of me, but have I ever scolded you? It is just normal. We are happy with you, as you help our CPI (M) party campaigning during the elections. That is sufficient for you. You don’t need to bother about all those studies. We are in power in West Bengal for 30 years and we will be there for next 50 years also. Don’t worry, just remain as a dedicated CPI (M) party worker, you will get a job. If you cannot pass the Madhyamik Secondary Exam also, we will issue a fake pass certificate. Don’t worry.

Professor Manitosh: - By the way, we are fed up of this Professor Arindam. He teaches all our students in a very dedicated manner and that too in an unbiased way. He is not associated with our CPI (M) party. According to him, there should be no politics and educational institution, as it hampers studies. He he he, what a joke it is?

Professor Jagjiban: - We really feel jealous of him. See, the main mantra of our CPI (M) party’s success is that we will keep majority of our next generation students uneducated. More they are uneducated; more it will be easy to buy them by giving money and foods. Ultimately, as they will become our slaves, we will do the brainwashing like ‘Magaj Dholai’ in ‘Hirok Rajar Deshe’ film of Satyajit Ray.

Professor Sanjay: - Ei, Biplab, just do one thing. You take your sweet revenge. We are there to save you. There will be no police case. Just beat that bloody professor Arindam in such a manner that he can never re-think of coming back to this school to teach our students.

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Reporter of a Kolkata News Channel: - Sir, I am Nayanika, calling you from a remote village. Sir, it is a very sensitive issue. The students of this village school have murdered a school teacher named ‘Arindam’ here. So, should I go forward with this news?

Head of that Kolkata News Channel: - No, no, there is no need to cover that story. Already, we have received 1.5 lacs INR from Lakshman to suppress that news. The CPI (M) cadres’ students have killed that professor, as he was a very good teacher and he was not involved with any political party.

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Yamraaj: - Arrey Arindam, you could have joined the CPI (M) party, naah. See, as a professor, you were not active in school politics, which is why; the men of Buddhadev Bhattacharya have murdered you and you are in hell now.

Professor Arindam: - Yes, Yamraaj ji, you are absolutely right. Now, after my death, I have understood the concept that “IT IS A SIN TO BECOME A GOOD SCHOOL TEACHER IN WEST BENGAL”.

INNOVATIVE INDIA

“Baba, I have created a wonder, today”, shouted “Saurav” with joy. “Manitosh”, the father of “Saurav”, has a small garage in “Silpara” of Kolkata. His day starts with repairing the cars. He has 5 workers under him. Since 3 months, “Manitosh” was doubtful about his son “Saurav”, who is studying Chemistry Honors in the “Vivekananda College” of Thakurpukur.

Saurav: - You know baba, what I have done today? I have created a chemical, which when mixed with 1 litre water; it will work like a fuel for the cars. Now, you don’t need to buy petrol or diesel from the Petrol Pumps. Let me show you, see, I am just pouring 3 drops of this chemical to 1 litre of water. Keep it for 15 minutes. Then, you pour it in the engine of the car, where there is no fuel.

Manitosh: - Ya, it is working, dear. Earlier, it was showing in the fuel meter, that there is no fuel. But, you poured that into the engine, the fuel meter shows it has fuel. Great, let me give this news to my friend “Arindam”, the reporter of the “Star Ananda” News Channel.

After getting this news, “Arindam” came there with the cameraman, and made a program on that in English language. The whole world came to know about that innovation.

One week later, West Bengal CM in collaboration with the Indian Government officials called “Saurav”, to the “ITC Sonar Kolkata” lounge. The government ordered “Saurav” to destroy that chemical, because if that hits the market, then no one is going to buy petrol and diesel. Net result, all the oil companies will be in huge loss, and the government will also not get any money from those companies. “Saurav” was literally threatened. They gave him some money, and warned him that, if he sells this chemical to any company, then he will be put behind the bars.

The CEO of a reputed automobile company of USA, “Mr. John Sobers” called “Arindam” on his mobile number and said, “Hello! Arindam, can you please arrange a meeting with that guy Saurav. I want to meet him. I have seen your program on that chemical, which when mixed with water can produce fuel.”

As per the request, “Arindam” conducted the meeting in the “Park Hotel” room of “John Sobers”.

John: - Saurav, I know, you have been threatened by this Indian government, to destroy this chemical and they have also blamed you by saying that, you have not innovated anything special. He he he, forget your Indians now. Come to our company, we will buy your chemical, with your patent in the product. Not only that, you will be given 10% commission of the profit made on 1 litre of this chemical.

Saurav: - I accept your proposal. Thanks “Arindam”. For your program, I got this help from “John”.

“Manitosh” was having tears in his eyes, as his son is going to USA. But, he was also proud that at least someone has given credit to him for his innovation.

“Arindam”, “John”, “Saurav” and “Manitosh” was sitting in the same car, and they were going towards the “Dumdum” Airport of Kolkata. Near Esplanade, there was a political meeting going on, and that leader was shouting slogans and giving lectures, “We want an Innovative India, so for that, we need to motivate and produce more “Innovative Indians”, who will help India to progress further and beat the USA”.By hearing this, “John” just laughed heartily and said to me, “I understand Bengali, as I was here in Kolkata, in my earlier days, for 4 years. They are giving lectures for creating “Innovative Indians” and about beating USA, ha ha ha , but see the fun, we, the USA people have to save those talented Indians from these bloody politicians, to provide innovation to the whole world.

Arindam: - Indians are always fond of giving lectures, but USA people are fond of implementing it. That’s why USA is still the No.1 country in every innovative fields.

BPO DRUGS

“After a long period, we are having a re-union. It has been 3 years, when we passed out of our Graduation College.” said “Suresh”. “Arindam” said, “But, why “Shalini” is yet to reach here. Just call in her mobile once.”

“Mohit” dialed her mobile number and asked, “Hello! Shalini, where are you, boss, we are waiting for you, here in the “Paradise Restaurant”.

Shalini: - Sorry!, I cannot go there now. My hubby has got a severe heart attack just now. I am going towards “Birla Heart Centre Hospital” right now. If you people can come over here, it will be a great help to me.

After hearing the news, everyone ran to the hospital. There, “Shalini” is sitting quietly on a bench.

Suresh: - ei Shalini, how it happened, boss, a severe heart attack!, your hubby “Ronit” is hardly around 29 years old. How can a person get a heart attack, at this age? Very Strange!

The doctor came out of the room, and said situation is under control, but minimum 1 week rest is required. At that point, the boss of “Ronit”, “Mr. Bhaskar Roy” came to the hospital and said to doctor, “Thanks doctor, but I don’t know, why you have called me here? What’s the matter? You wanted to discuss something with me. What is that about? The doctor told him to come inside a discussion room.

Arindam: - Is it a very confidential discussion? If it is regarding our friend, then I also want to join that discussion. I hope, you will not mind, doctor.

Doctor: - Ok, sure, why not? Please come in.

Bhaskar: - Tell me, what happened?

Doctor: - Do you know, Mr. Bhaskar, why Ronit has got a heart attack, because of his drug-addiction to a medicine “Anoroxitin –D”, which is an energy-booster tablet. Your employees work in the BPO in night shifts, and to get more energy and become more productive, they take these drugs thrice a week. My goodness!

Bhaskar: - So what, every BPO employees take these type of drugs, to improve their productivity. See, ultimately, we want business and if an employee tries to become efficient in his/her work, and then at the end of the day, our BPO business is shining, you see. But, what is the connection with that drug and heart attack.

Doctor: - Boss, do you know how these tablets work. They will increase your blood pressure, directly affects the heart. It increases the heart beat. A medicine is not providing you the extra energy from external source. It is utilizing your own internal resources only. It is like you are grilling a sugar-cane to take out the last drop of juice from it. Juice will come out and will taste sweet, but what about that grilled Sugar-cane. Your body will become like that sugar-cane only, and the net result is, you will get a heart-attack.

Bhaskar: - but, I have never told my employees, to take those drugs. They have taken those drugs, on their own risk.

Arindam: - Why don’t you initiate a process to examine every day, that, your employees are not coming to office without taking drugs?

Bhaskar: - No, we cannot interfere in the personal life of an employee.

Doctor: - so, you want to say that, business should go on, for the sake of a heart-attack of young professionals.

Bhaskar: - Ah! Doctor, we are providing medical insurance, naah, so let them take “BPO Drugs”. Don’t worry.

PLACEMENT CELL

“Hey, you know “Rajib”, I have got the job in “Satyam Computers”, wow, I am so happy today. Actually your batch was the worst batch, which is why no companies came to recruit you people. See our batch, every company came to our campus. This is the first time, we have achieved 100% placement. Can you imagine? Our batch has been regarded as the best batch ever, the college had”, said “Paromita”, the girlfriend of “Rajib”.After hearing this, “Rajib” just smiled and wished congrats to his beloved girlfriend.

Five days later, was the Durga Puja festival. All the friends came to Kolkata, at this festive time. So, all the students of 2005 batch of STCET College planned a re-union at the “Green Palace” Bar on “Maha-Asthami”.

Jishnu: - arey mama ra sab, ami esey gachi…The mastaans of STCET Engineering College, are again at the same place to rock. Come on; let us order for some rum or whisky.

Rajib: - dhaath, my mood is totally off. You know what my girlfriend was saying after getting a job in Satyam. She is saying that our batch was the worst batch.

Arindam: - Le halua, better you ask your “Paromita”, whether she knows the history or not. It was we, who took the initiative to form a “Placement Cell” there at the college. You people remember that day, baraa maaja aaya tha ,yaar, jab humney sab teacher ko ek hi room pe bandh kar diya tha…ha ha ha .. And the teachers were very happy.... haa haa... They were playing ‘antakshari round’ inside that room, while we were shouting slogans outside the main gate, to form a placement cell. Uff, baapre baap…what a scene it was?

Kusum: - Arrey, how can you forget my achievement? I was at the gate, media people came. I told them nothing happened. Then when the Registrar of the college came in front of me and said, just let all the teachers go back to their home. I said, you can do anything, but we are not going to leave anyone, unless you promise to create a “Placement Cell” for us.

Vinod: - I broke seven window glasses. Remember that Microprocessor lab, we broke that door. We felt as if, we have conquered a kingdom, as if we were the King… He he he …

Chandra: - Then, as it was a winter season, so during 9 PM, all our girlfriends requested to let all girls go back home. Actually, they are all like “Kate Winsley” you see. Always, “Leonardo” is going to die. Ha ha ha... We freed the girls, but our revolt continued.

Indrajit: - at last, our revolt ended at 11 PM, where our Registrar signed in a document, that from the next day onwards, there will be an official “Placement Cell” in the college, taking responsibility of all the students.

Arindam: - But, that was too late for us. At that time, we have already completed our 8th Semester. So, no company was willing to take us. Next year, all the companies visited the campus, and almost 100% placement was done.

Chandra: - Really, it is our bad luck. We got the job from external source and got low packages.

Kusum: - Ya, all the companies provide less salary in off-campus, rather than in the on-campus.Vinod: - forget it yaar, ki farak paarta hai... college pe masti se baawaal kiya tha... wohi bahut baraa achievement hai… abhi bhi college ke history pe hum logon ka naam, golden letter se likha jayega… le le sharaab pee… Cheers…

Arindam: - Yes you are right, Cheers. Saala food cook hum karey, aur khaa jaaye hamaara junior log, saala hum log sanjeeb kapoor hai kya… aur sun Rajib, yeh tera Paromita ko laath maar ke nikaal de... saali attitude waali.

DOWRY DRAMA

“I don’t want to hear a single clarification from you. I want to confirm whether this child is mine or not, by doing a DNA Test”, shouted “Dhananjay” at his wife “Mayabini”.

Mayabini: - What the hell are you saying, if you don’t want a baby, tell me now, it is only 2.5 months old. Still there is time to go for abortion. But, please do not blame “Arindam”. We are only friends from our school days.

Next day, “Mayabini” dialed the mobile number “+91-9703674714” and said, “Hello! Are you busy now, ok, can you meet me tomorrow at CCD. Please don’t be late. I will be there at 4 PM. Ok, see you tomorrow, bye.”

Arindam: - Uff, Mayabini, I have been waiting for you for half an hour. Look at your wrist watch, it is now 4.30 PM, boss. Accha, tell me what’s the matter? Why suddenly you called me after 1.5 months.

Mayabini: - My hubby is mentally abusing me, by saying that, you are the father of my child.

Arindam: - Ha Ha Ha!, See the fun. That is why I told you earlier to marry me. Ha Ha Ha …

Mayabini: - My personal life is in dilemma and you are joking. What a bad friend you are? Uuh…

Arindam: - He he he, both of us know, that father of that child is “Dhananjay” only, so what is there to worry? I know who the main culprit is. It is your mother-in-law. Your father promised to give 50,000 after 1 month of your marriage, but due to his illness, he was unable to pay that. Now, your father is well, but due to the expenses incurred in the medical treatment, there is no enough money. So, that dangerous “Suhasini”, the mother of your hubby, is playing the chess. But, don’t worry; the 2nd Viswanathan Anand is sitting beside you. You come and stay in my younger sister’s house “Mayuri”, but you will tell your hubby, that you are in “Live-In” relation with me.

Mayabini: - What! your younger sister don’t stay with you.

Arindam: - Abbey, shaadi ke baad, apney bhaiya ke ghar kyon rahegi woh, she is with her hubby in a nice flat. Her hubby has gone to USA now, for 2 months. So, you can easily stay there. At least, my little sister “Mayuri” will not feel bored and lonely at least.

“Mayabini” followed his instructions, and bechara “Dhananjay” was keeping his legs on two boats. “Dhananjay” was confused, whether to support his wife or his mother. “Arindam” told him everything, after 1 week.

Suhasini: - Now, is the time to take revenge on your father-in-law “Muraliprasad”, as he betrayed us by not giving the dowry of Rs. 50,000/- within the stipulated time.

Dhananjay: - My dear Mom, I am your one and only one son, right? So, do you want me to commit suicide in front of you? It is enough. I also know what the truth is. But for your disgusting “Dowry Drama”,I am ruining my sweet personal love life with my beloved wife “Mayabini”. Tomorrow, I will apologize to my wife and I will take her back here. If you don’t accept that proposal, then we will shift to a flat. We will never come back to this house.

“Suhasini” just got stunned and saw “Arindam” standing outside the dining room and laughing heartily.

Arindam: - Hello madam!, do you remember me, I am that same “Arindam” of class VII, who complained about you to the Head Mistress, because you uttered slang languages to “Mohan” for not doing homework. That “Naughty Napoleon” has come back again with a bang. Now, if you don’t accept this couple, then probably you have to complain about me to the “Yamraaj”, because I will send you to the hell.

I FEEL ASHAMED TO BE A BENGALEE

Ritesh: - So, you want to go back to Kolkata and get settled there. But, always remember one thing, the Bengalee people who came out of Kolkata somehow, have only prospered in their career as well as in their personal life. Those who remained in Kolkata are in the same dilemma only.

Bhumesh: - Yes; I completely agree with you, Ritesh! West Bengal is a state, where CPI(M) ruled for around 30 years and there is no improvement at all. Not only the political parties, the mindset of Bengalee people are the same. They believe in the slogan, “Cholche, Cholbe”. They can never imagine of any new thing and never accept it. Just consider the case of Singur only. It is only because the CPI (M) party wants the industrial development in the state; Mamata Banerjee started revolting against it to gain the vote bank. As a net result, there is no development of the state and now the Naxalites are saying that the West Bengal government is not doing anything for the development of their state people. Really, very funny, it is indeed.

Sarita: - Really, one thing, I have noticed that Bengalee people neither have unity among themselves nor they respect each other. Always, a Bengalee person tries to kick out or sue the other Bengalee people. That is the main reason, why West Bengal never prospers. One of my friend stayed there for 2 years as her husband was posted in Kolkata. Believe me; she was fed up with the Bengalee culture. They have a tendency to poke big noses in other’s personal life. In Bengali terms, it is known as ‘Paro Nindaa Paro Chorcha’ (PNPC). Even, what dress you are wearing and why are you wearing becomes a topic of the day for the useless Kolkata Bachelor public sitting at any tea shop. They will mentally abuse a girl, in Kolkata, who is wearing a jeans or salwar kameez, as if she has done a crime. But, in other cities, at least women are safe while going to work or walking in the streets. If you really want to settle with your family, then Kolkata is the worst place to live in.

Arindam: - But, you can live in Kolkata with a salary of just 17,000 bucks per month.

Gautam: - Hey, Indian Government should cancel the status of Kolkata as a metropolitan city. It is just like a village, after all. Do you know the theory of economy? The more you spent and the more you earn, the economy boosts up. Now, there is no development in Kolkata since 30 years, that is why, there has been no economic improvement in the living standards of people. That is why; you people get to buy everything as a villager does in other states. Look at your Health department; it is the worst of the country. What to tell about the education?

Ritesh: - Oh! Education! Ha ha ha …the syllabus of West Bengal Board is so back-dated, you cannot imagine also. What they learn in class XII, a student of ICSE and CBSE student learn that in class VII only. What to say about the standard of English language. The English which is taught in class IX of West Bengal Board, my goodness, even a class III student of other educational boards learns much better English than that. Kapil Sibal has done the right thing to scrap all the state government boards. All educational boards need to be centralized.

Arindam: - Maybe, due to the politics and students union in the graduate colleges, our education gets hampered.

Bhumesh:- Arrey, in our Delhi University, we also have students union, but there we give more priority to education rather than politics and that is why the good courses like Masters in Finance and Control (MFC) came out. Also in your West Bengal state, there are good industrial potential places like Kharagpur, Bardhaman, Durgapur and Siliguri. But, the State Government never took any initiatives to convert them into big cities. Always there are political cat fights without any valid issues. Bengalee people think that their children are going to some bullshit BPO or IT companies in the Sector-V of Salt Lake city and speaking in English language, so, their Kolkata is improving. Boss, it is a useless city. You Bengalee people shout that it is a city of joy. But, the irony is that after 9.30 PM, there are no buses. Taxi drivers and autowalas just charge you double fares and above all, people are jealous of each other. There is no unity at all. If today, Kolkata is prospering in business, then it is only for the non-Bengalee people like Marwaris, Gujratis and Biharis in Burrabazar and Howrah. Can you name a single successful Bengalee businessman in your Kolkata only? There is no one. Yes, you can surely name a fraud, corrupted politician, who is a Bengalee and did nothing for his state.

Arindam: - Ya, of course, whatever you people are saying is absolutely correct. That is the reason why; a Bengalee people who comes out of Kolkata never goes back and settles there. Even a B.Com student gets a good job in other cities. The concept of other cities is to live and let live whereas it is just the opposite in Kolkata. Frankly speaking, boss, “I FEEL ASHAMED TO BE A BENGALEE” and to take birth in a worst city like Kolkata.